Have you ever had to find a new dream? Have you ever had something happen to you that changed the course of your life forever? I have.
Almost 6 years ago now I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. At first I had no idea what it was, and my doctors were just as naive as I was. Laden with constant pain, I felt like I was on my own trying to paddle through a storm in the middle of the ocean. A year went by and then I was diagnosed with a new chronic health condition called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS for short. Years went on and the diagnoses kept piling up… fibromyalgia, anemia, Hashimoto’s disease, insomnia, digestive tract paralysis, and more. Each new health condition came with new restrictions and lifestyle changes. At times I had to drop out of school and quit my job. To say that all of this was devastating is the understatement of the century. I had to endure things I thought I would never have to, such as a bone marrow biopsy, countless ER visits, and multiple cancer scares, just as recent as a few months ago.
But I don’t want to write a post all about my pain and medical history. I could go on for days. What I do want to talk about is how it caused me to find a new dream. You see, I used to dream of graduating college in 4 years, studying abroad half the time, then graduating and moving to New York City where I would start my career and end up on top as a fashion mogul at a very successful company. Unfortunately, this never happened, and I always do mourn this dream. It is hard to give up something you wanted for so long. Do you mourn your dream? Or your old life? It is normal and natural, and I am here to tell you it is okay. Do not let anyone tell you differently.
Unfortunately it took me awhile to come to terms with my new life, and I still tried to make my dream happen. But every time I did, I got more and more sick. I had to realize that my body has limits now that are beyond my control. That is a harsh realization in and of itself. To have a brain filled with dreams and aspirations, but a body that warrants you to stay in bed 24/7. But despite the pain, I was able to accomplish one part of my dream, and that was graduating college Summa Cum Laude in 6 years. It was longer than I had hoped, and I never got to study abroad, but I now have a Bachelors Degree. I say this to encourage anyone who is struggling to get through school, especially if they are sick. It is never about how long it will take, so long as you finish. That is what I kept telling myself. It also proves that you do not always have to get rid of your entire dream. Sometimes you can make part of it still happen.
Since graduating, I am now having to find and create my new life and my new dream. I was never able to move to New York City and become the corporate, fashionable, business women I always dreamed about. I was invincible back then when I had that dream. I knew I would and could do anything to make it to the top, working long days, long nights, overnights, and weekends. But unfortunately my body cannot do that, and I have had to find a new dream, and a new way of coping, and I have found it: fashion/lifestyle blogging. It is a path less taken, but I am excited beyond anything. Finding a new dream can do that to you.
My dream is specific and tailored for me. As someone who is chronically ill, having a full time job is pretty much impossible. You have to come up with other ways to create an income, and unfortunately for some, any semblance of having a career is history. I know that for my life I will never be able to work a 9-5 job, 5 times a week, 4 weeks a month, for 12 months out of the year, so my dream of free-lancing and blogging is perfect for me and my life. What is perfect for you? What can change your life back around from the diagnosis you were given, or the pain you have endured? Find your new dream and allow it to propel you forward from the pain of your past or pain of your current position. I have found it in fashion/lifestyle blogging. Giving women words of encouragement and style tips. It is not what I dreamed I would be doing at 24 years old, but that is the beauty of new dreams. They take you places you never imagined.
So have you started to find your new dream? I know it can be hard. I understand the devastation of having to forsake something you always wanted because you know it will never happen. Or having to learn to let go of the life you used to have. But instead of mourning that old dream or old life for eternity, eventually you have to celebrate a new one. I know this is not easy. Things happen in life that turn everything upside down, whether it is a chronic illness, cancer, depression, divorce, or the loss of loved one. Life is hard. God never promised easy. The key is to feel what you need to feel, but instill hope in yourself that it is not the end, and you can create a new dream and a new life. It might not be what you imagined, but it might just be what you were meant to do and you might just turn you into who you were meant to be.
Top: Marshalls / Sweater: Forever / Jeans: American Eagle / Boots: DSW / Bag: Marshalls (Olivia + Joy)